Why now
by DracoLover1989
Summary: Harry/Draco. He holds a small black box and opens it to me. A tear escaped and rolls down my cheek. Why? Oh yeah I suck at summary's. XD BETA FORM! Story complete.
1. The pub

**A/N:** Hi there, I came to this idea for this fan fiction when I found some of my Dutch fictions while cleaning my room. So I rewrote it in English. I played around a bit with the titles; because I didn't like the translated titles from my Dutch fic so they're not matching that great but it still stays the same story though. Ok I added some parts than from the original but that was for the best of the fic. This story is also a Harry/Draco fiction. I hope you'll all enjoy this fiction and please review.

**Disclaimer:** None of these characters are mine, but JK. Rowling's.

**Summary:** Harry/Draco. He holds a small black box and opens it to me. A tear escaped and rolls down my cheek. _Why?_ Oh yeah I suck at summary's. XD

**Special thanks to my BETA:** Chubit from Foreverfandom dot net. You're the best!

*!*

**Why now?  
Chap 1: The pub.**

A hard cold wind causes all warmth to disappear from my body. It is already quite cold for the month of September; dotted around me are people with nice warm mufflers already.

I walk along half empty shops and enjoy the silence that accompanies me. At last my life has found a form of grip. No cheap gossips or rumours surround my name anymore.

Since my school ended 3 years ago, my life has totally changed. After my atrocious and even now still painful confrontation with the person who ruined my life I realised that I didn't have anything left living for. I still did have my 2 wonderful friends; my passion for Quidditch and the millions of offered contracts from the Ministry. All this and I still had the feeling that my life had become useless, as if the large black hole, which had arisen since the death of Sirius, had just become bigger and bigger.

The death of Sirius is and remains a painful subject where I can only talk about it with one concerned person. And actually, that one person ensured that my life got sense again, that the large black hole didn't try to drag me into its deep dark depths. I had given that one person my heart in the hope that it would be safe and never become broken again.

My treads become wider and my footsteps resound on the dull hard stones. I look around, searching for the right pub. I carefully rub the small black box that is deeply hidden in the pocket of my coat. On this cold day a new beginning would start. Without a doubt.

***~***

Why should I be nervous? I'm only doing this because it is for the best... For the both of us. Then why does it feel so bad, as if my stomach has turned inside out?

The door of this pub opens and a cold excursion enters which causes all the warmth to flood out from my body. But I still have not yet looked up.

When I do; I stare into clear green eyes which have always given me a sense courage and joy. I can hardly believe that someone could ever live without those eyes... _Why now?_ Now that everything is coming back to place; ever since the war ended and the victims which survived are picking up their lives again? _Why now,_ now we just found our own place for the both of us? _Why?_

He smiles at me and my face turns red like always. Slowly as if time stands still over us; he walks to the dark corner where I'm hiding myself and sit on the chair adjoined to mine. His cold hands searching for my own; softly caressing old cicatrices which have meant much to me over the past testing years. The gentle warm words press slowly to me and before I knew it he had replaced his chair for the small space in front of me on the ground. Sitting on one knee, he's holding my hand in his; gently rubbing at my pale skin. He holds a small black box and opens it to me. A tear escaped and rolls down my cheek. _Why?_ _Why now?_ Without thinking I run away, knowing that I will be followed. Knowing that I no longer can manage the truth; the reality of it all.

I look around and stand still, his pale and concerned face is breaking my heart. But it is now or never. In vain I search for gentle words, none could better describe what I feel. "Harry.." My voice makes me realise that I have never felt this way in my life before. _Why?_ "Harry I... Can't do this anymore." _Why now?_ "I don't love you anymore..." There are tears breaking free from the both of us.

His last and only words, which I can only just hear over the noise of the mob people surround, were confused and sad _"Why?"_ A question which I cannot answer myself. Not now, not tomorrow; not ever. I leave him behind me, as well as my past and my hope for a future. I escape from what I was frightened of losing.

***~***

**A/N:** PLEASE REVIEW!  
THANKS!


	2. A walk trough the park

**A/N:** Alright I didn't write much these days. I got some new inspiration because of some circumstances. So I continued the story. Yeah I was really busy with school and other stuff too and I got great reviews saying to please continue, so I did.

You remember Harry proposing to Draco? Draco emotionally broke, did not accept and ran away.  
It's not that Draco doesn't love Harry, he does with entire soul. So then why? Here's where the story continues again. XD.

_____________________________________________

**Why now?  
Chapter2: A walk through the park.**

**  
**Three months past. Draco still received letters from Harry every day. Begging for an explanation: that he still didn't understand; that he loved him; missed him and wanted him to come home again. That he could wait until Draco was ready to get married. But Draco didn't answer one letter. It was just too painful, and the ex-slytherin always had a problem dealing with his emotions and thoughts; even with Harry. Reading the letters was all he had left of Harry.

Draco ran away from the love of his life and his hope for the future; for as far he still had one. He didn't deserve Harry after all. But the blonde didn't want to think about it much because it was not becoming easier. Draco sighed and stood up from his lounge chair. He grabbed his cloak from the adjacent stool and left his just bought apartment. He left to park for a walk.

He did that increasingly often these days, when he wanted to be alone; in some other place. Then he could think of good memories. Most times he went to park in the evening so that he could watch the sun as it goes under; leaving only the stars and the moon left shining.

After a while Draco found a favorite spot. An empty field surrounded by some trees and a lapsing stream. The stars would be appearing soon above his head. He let his fragile, pale and neglected body fall into a stack of grass. Draco laid there with his arms under his head; watching the sun already descend below the horizon, the sky leaving its purple and orange shades. The tall blonde always loved those colors.

When he was there he did let thoughts of things he experienced in his still short life, creep in to his mind. He had a terrible childhood. A father who never told his son he loved him and frequently abused him without any reason. He learned to be cold and heartless just like his indifferent role model. "Don't ever let them think or see that you care, love or cry; Draco because it makes you weak." His mother was a wonderful sweet woman. She always cured his bruises and cuts after he was struck again. She would hold him in her arms, softly rocking back and forth whispering sweet words to his ear. But she never dared to stand up for herself. He could talk to her, tell her everything. She and professor Snape; his godfather, were the only ones that did understand him, showed and let him feel that he meant something, and that they cared about him.

The years at Hogwarts... The day he met Harry, the day his heart broke because Harry didn't shake hands with him and refuses his friendship. The brunette rather liked to be friends with that Weasley and that Granger girl instead. It got him dead jealous. That started the war between the two of them for many years.

The death of his mother and godfather, Draco was devastated; his life broken and miserable. They were the only ones he ever cared and loved for; and now they were taken brutally away from him. He swore that he would never love or care about anyone again, no more; afraid that he would have to gather the pieces of his heart up all over again. He had considered suicide but that failed because Harry talked that idea out of his head. Luckily he did. From that moment things started to change.

Between his father being locked up in Azkaban for the murder of his own wife and still serving The Dark Lord and Harry defeating Voldemort; freeing and saving the wizarding world; Draco finally could drop his mask, he was free again, he didn't need to be heartless and bitter anymore. He could be his true self.

Harry… Things really began to change between the two of them. And he himself changed a lot too. Their bond grew bigger and stronger. Harry was his real first friend ever, but soon friendship wasn't just enough. They become true soul mates. Still afraid to really care and love he accepted Harry's proposal to go and live together in London when school finally ended. Hoping that he could say to Harry that he loved him back one day. And he did eventually. They begun talking about getting married and having babies; a lot of babies; because Draco loved babies. But that never happened.

Draco hadn't felt well lately, he was tired all the time, he slept most of the days and his body felt more painful as each moon passed. Doctors told him that he had nothing to worry about, that he just needed to rest and that it would heal by itself. But Draco was feeling worse every minute he even got moving sparks, they looked like little fireflies curling beneath his skin. It was then that he consulted a real specialist. He never told Harry about it because he thought it wasn't needed and he didn't want Harry to get worry about him. The brunette already worried too much.

The specialist immediately showed a serious look when he had seen the lightning sparks moving around his heart. "I'm sorry." He had said.

"What do you mean is it bad?" It was. The specialist told the young blonde that it was very rare, a one in a million case, and that it only happened in pureblood families. "What is it then?" It was his magic. He had inherits too much, more magic than the body could handle. At first there will be no problems but now he was a grown up his magic is looking for something else to do and unfortunately it started fighting his body. "Will I die?"

"Yes I'm so sorry..."

"NO! Why me?!"He had screamed withtears filling his eyes. But he didn't cry, it would make it even more real. He had swallowed a couple of times. "W-when?" The specialist told him that the time the sparks showed up he could have less than a half year left.

He would die because of his magic, because of what he was. A pureblood, strong, born into a powerful family; all he had wanted, valued and been proud of. And now it was killing him silently.  
"Can't it been stopped?" The specialist had told him that no one could take his magic away and even if it were possible he did not think Draco had wanted it. To live without magic, like a Muggle. Not for Draco Malfoy.

It was that same day that Harry had asked him to meet each other in the pub. Where the brunette went on his knees for him proposing; to live happily ever after. Draco wanted nothing more in the world than that… But not like this, not now he was dying. He didn't want to leave Harry that way after he had died. Harry would be broken, he would be nowhere without his tall blonde. And he already had lost so many people he loved. Draco just couldn't do that. He wanted Harry to be happy, to live like he had never lived before. With lots of children and grandchildren a lovely husband or wife. To grow old with and finally when he'd done everything he'd ever wanted die, peacefully in his sleep. That's why he needed to end this. '"Why?" "I-I don't love you anymore."' And he had run away just like that.

Meanwhile the sun had completely disappeared. Normally he didn't stay that long here. He stared to the stars with tears streaming down his face and not even noticing that he wasn't alone anymore. By the time he did it was already too late to hide his tears. He sat up abruptly and hugged his knees to his chest and wiped his tears quickly away. He didn't look back.

"Hello Draco." A soft and sad voice called out. It broke the blonde's heart even more. It was like something had got stuck in his throat because he had difficulties being able to say something back to the not so stranger. With a trembling hand he stroke trough his blonde hair which had been so colorful before he had gotten sick…

"Hello Harry."

*!*

A/N: Please consider a Review if you liked or didn't like the chapter. And tell me why?  
Chapter 3 is coming up soon! XD


	3. Do you remember Harry?

**AN:\ Thank you all for the great reviews.  
So as promised chapter 3. XD**

*~*

Why now?  
Chapter 3: Do you remember Harry?  
  
I watch you silently. God you are so beautiful, like a golden angel. You looked up and your eyes searched blindly before coming into contact with my green ones; you give me a smile, it was a weak smile but that smile was only meant for me, and no one else. I could feel there was something wrong by the way you looked at me and you weren't looking very healthy too and I didn't understand. You're lips moved silently.

"Are you going to stand there all night?" You simply say, I shook my head and sat right beside you.

You didn't look at me then, you just stared ahead; watching the moon and the stars. You always watched the planets, astrology. I couldn't ever understand why, but right then I could. "What happened to you?" I ask carefully. But you didn't answer and that made me worry even more. Then all of a sudden you grabbed my hand and give it a quick squeeze. You were shivering like a lost puppy and your voice was soft and sad. I'd never heard it like this before, I should have guessed something bad was about to come; I just knew it was different and it scared me a little.

It was like if you were holding yourself down from crying. I watch you trying to say something but the words got stuck in your throat. "Ssshhhhh… It's Ok. It's Ok…" but you shook your head violently and finally broke free.

"NO! It's not OK. I'm not Ok!" You screamed at me; tears finding their way down in an endless stream. And then I knew. I tried to comfort you but it seemed that I didn't succeed this time. We sat there in silent till your sobs slowly begun to ebb away. You cried till you had no tears left and my neck was all but soaked by it. I was so confused and I felt so lost. Why was this happening? Realization hitting in, I was fighting to my own tears; a hard task beating them back. This was not the time. Not yet.

You finally dare to look at me. "Do you remember Harry? Do you remember our first kiss?" I nodded not sure where this was going. I tried to talk but my voice chocked for a moment. You were looking so lost, so sad that it had hurt me so much I couldn't talk for a while. I kept nodding.

"I remember…" I finally speak out. A small smile came across your face again. "It was at the Astronomy Tower. At night. I saw you on my map and I came. You were crying, and I comforted you. I didn't understand why you were there or why you were crying, but I held you till the tears stopped falling. And when they did, you didn't shove me away, you just held on to me. It was the first time we didn't fight; it was the first time we bonded. And then your soft lips were on mine and I thought that I had died and gone to heaven. Months later you told me that your mom had died and that you were there… There to commit suicide." I looked back at you and forced a smile myself. "How could I forget?" I said.

You close your eyes and you leaned against me. Your head resting on my shoulder when you say; "I'm so tired.." And again I couldn't speak for a moment. With my other free hand I played with your blond locks and when I pulled back; some hairs fell out. I bit my lip, I wanted to scream WHY?! But I didn't. I wanted to be there for you.

"I should bring you home." But you shook your head and you hold on to me even more. "No… " You answer stubborn as always. You looked back at me. "Please.." you pleaded and I nodded. How could I resist? We sat in silent again. You gazed the stars the twinkling reflected in your eyes. So beautiful.

"Do you remember Harry? Do you remember when my father came for me?" you ask me and you close your eyes again so tired. I looked up to the stars instead, begging God not to take my angel away from me; but I knew it wasn't in God's hands.

"I remember Draco. I found you completely bloodstained that day. I helped you back on your feet and held you. Your blood seeped into my cloak and I didn't have it washed ever. The blood stained my arm and you said.,-"

"I marked you Potter. You're mine forever and ever." You continued my story I smiled weakly and continued.

"Your father had come earlier that day. He was going to take you away from me, lead you to your death where you would bow down to the Dark Lord, to brand your beautiful milky skin. You stood up against your father that day. You told him you were fighting for the light. You told him that you had fallen in love with me and that you no longer wanted to be a Malfoy." I stopped for a moment when I felt something wet seeping into my neck. I realized you were crying again. I held on to you.

"He had cast the _Crucio_ on you and had struck you, over and over again with his cane. No one saw, no one cared. Your father disowned you. You said to me that he'd never owned you. I did. No one but me.."

Sobs still raked your body. You were in so much pain and I just held on to you, whispering soothing words into your ear.

"D-Do y-you remember Harry? Do you remember when I first told you I loved you?"

"Yes I remember." I said and I saw you looking back at me with some sparkles in your beautiful icy gray eyes.

"I remember. It was here, at this place. Your father was locked up in Azkaban, I defeated the Dark Lord and school ended for us. You came with me to London to start a life, a real life; with me. You never ever told me you loved me before, and I did understand why but that didn't mean that I didn't know it. I could tell by the way you kissed me and the times you made love to me. I just knew; I could feel it every single moment.

But it wasn't good enough for you in some way… One day we were here and we were star gazing at night. You took my hand and you told me you loved me under the moon with stars dancing in the sky. That you've loved me ever since you first saw me. We stayed there till the moon vanished and was replaced by sun glittering down upon your beautiful skin." I took a moment to look at you and you looked back at me so peacefully. "I knew that someday I'll find you back here." I started and you weakly nodded. You wrapped your arms around me and rested your head on my lab. You had closed your eyes when you finally speak to me.

"I'm also sorry for all the things I've ever said, for the way I threatened you, for everything I'd done to you... I'm sorry. I never wanted it to be that way, all those years. You know that don't you?"

"I know. It was because of your father and the Dark Lord. I know. I always knew you weren't like your father and you proved that. And I'm sorry too." I lifted your chin and took a glance in your beautiful eyes you'd forgive me a long time ago.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against yours I wanted to kiss you all night. You didn't push me away; maybe you were too weak, but I watch you closing your eyes and I followed. I kissed you gently; carefully afraid you'd break even more. But you deepened the kiss yourself and I followed your lead.

When we finally broke apart to breathe I leaned my forehead against yours and sighed. "I don't want to die." You said. I stroked your cheek with my fingertips and whispered; "I know. I don't want you to die either." I held you close and you just thought that maybe if you hold on to me tightly enough, then maybe you wouldn't die, that maybe I wouldn't let you. That it was all just a dream; no, a nightmare and that you should wake up any moment now and that you weren't going. But you had no time left to dream.

"I'd like to go home now." Sleep curled within your voice. Nodding, I pulled you to your feet and we started walking. You leaned heavily against me and I held you up whispering encouragements and gentle caresses.

"Will you remember Harry? Will you remember me and our love?"

I smile sadly and nod while I helped you back into bed, where you should have stayed. I watch you for a moment, you've lost so much weight since the last time I'd seen you. Your bangs fell over your silver eyes. Your lips are dry and chapped. The dark circles under your eyes show how restless your sleep of late must have been. But I still love you. The sight of you still takes my breath away. I place a soft kiss on your lips.

"I will remember Draco. I will remember you and our love. I will remember forever and ever. I couldn't ever forget."

***!***

**AN:\** **Next chapter and last chapter is coming soon!  
Keep reviewing XD**


	4. Goodbye Green Eyes

**A/N:**Hi sorry it took so long but the adapter from my external HD broke. A true nightmare because at first I didn't think it was just the adapter. I was afraid that the HD itself broke. So I thought that I'd lost everything. A nightmare to all artists. No it was just the adapter but difficult to replace. I'm still waiting for a new one but I couldn't stand much longer and took the adapter from my father so continued writing at last!

This is going to be the last chapter of the story, I hope that'll be OK and you people like the story. If you do and add this story to your favorite please tell me why you didn't review then. Because I really need to know what people think.

*!*

**Why now?  
Chapter 4: Goodbye Green Eyes.**

Draco closed his eyes. He was so tired, and everything was dark, but it was a comforting sort of darkness. He wondered if this was it, if he'd never open his eyes again. Just to be stubborn he forced his eyes open. The world was blurry, but he could still see Harry clearly. Harry stared at him; his beautiful green eyes. A small smile came across his face.

"Do you remember when I first called you Green Eyes Harry?" Draco waited for Harry to take his hand in its own.

"I remember Draco. You were star gazing again after we came back from a party, it was the first time you heard Muggle music; and you loved it. The twinkling stars reflected in your eyes. You held my hand and you said to me, "Green Eyes, you're a horrible dancer. But I love you anyways." You kissed the nightlight out of me. I shivered as I felt your fingers brush against my chest. I stared into your sparkling eyes while your fingers unbuttoned my shirt. You sang into my ear, "Green Eyes," a number you just heard and after that there was nothing but our whispers, kisses, our bites, moans our touch and love."

"Can I ask you to do me a favor Harry?" the ex Gryffindor nodded and brushed the blonde's hair.

"Yes my love... Always."

"Could you be here when I die? I need you to be here. Please?"

"I'll be here," Harry promised, lifting Draco's hand and pressing a gentle kiss on his palm. "I'll stay right here with you."

"Thank you," Draco whispered. "I'm so scared."

Draco closed his eyes again, and let himself fall asleep.

Days passed, and Draco didn't die, but Draco knew it was going to happen soon. And Harry never left his side as he promised. They shared so many words and tears.

"What will happen to you when I die?" Draco asked one day.

"I don't know, I don't want you to leave me."

"I'm not leaving you; I'll be always with you. Do you understand me Harry? Never forget me Green Eyes, never forget me."

"I understand..." Harry murmured. Draco's face leans towards him while Harry took Draco in his arms. Draco's eyes closed oh so slowly; his eyelashes brushed slightly against the Gryffindors cheek. Like butterfly kisses. Harry remembered.

He sighed slightly and sat very still. Harry didn't wanted to interrupt this moment. Draco's body became more limp every second now and Harry realized that his time has come.

"Never forget me.. Goodbye Green Eyes." Draco breathes out with his last string of strength.

Tears running down the Gryffindors face now. Harry cried over Draco's dead body. Rocking back and forth.

"I'll never forget.. You're free now.. I'm sure you're flying somewhere up there.. Flying like an angel." Harry placed a soft kiss at Draco's forehead.

"Goodbye my angel."

*~*

The end.


End file.
